Local Cashier Gives 98 Cent Change

Raul Kemp
Reporter

In the biggest dick move in recent retail history, hole in the wall convenience store operator Ivan Avir gave a local smoker 98 cents in change in a routine cigarette transaction. When customer Jeremy Lantello handed over a five and sadly admitted to not having two loose pennies, that ass hole shrugged, said "Ooooo, K", and gave him a handful of loose coins.

"Usually, I just take a couple of pennies out of the tray," a clearly agitated Lantello lamented. "Or the cashier isn't a complete prick and just says don't worry about it." Jeremy is said to "hate having change in his pockets", citing "always falling into the couch" as a primary reason.

Bastard cashier Avir, when questioned, had another side to the story. "If I give two penny here, two penny there, I lose lots of penny. I have family need penny."

This is not the first time that this dick weed has been accused of not providing top notch service. In December 2007, he kept the beer coolers locked until way after 12:15 p.m. on a Sunday, and in July 2003, a young lady urinated herself as Avir told her she "couldn't use the bathroom unless she bought something."

"This bathroom for pay customers only. Flush cost penny, wash cost penny. You no pay, you no use," he barked as the girl allegedly stood there in her own puddle and whimpered. The miserable fuckwad has reportedly saved himself over three and a half dollars by making sure not to "just be cool" and waive off small amounts of change.

The local Chamber of Commerce has began an investigation into the store in question. "How could someone be such a dick," useless elected official Glenda Streem wonders. "There has to be something else going on here. You just don't treat people like garbage for no reason." There will be a hearing later this week to determine just how big of an ass hole this guy really is, and if that jerk-off is found to indeed be a miserable ass bag, he will be forced to close his store and leave town.

Local residents report to have banded together and pledged to go across the street to the Mapco in protest of the so-called "Circle K Shithead". "That dude sucks ass", high school junior Cody Parish witnessed. "He yells at us when we skate in the parking lot, and he won't let us buy beer. I hope his store burns down."