House Plant "Over It"

Raul Kemp
Reporter

This week, in an act of final despair, a Nashville Peace Lilly threw its arms up and screamed "I'm so over this shit!" It seems the house plant's frustrations have been building for some time, and this weekend, it finally reached its breaking point.

"I mean, I had plans to see the world, experience seasons, maybe ride in a hot air balloon. Now look at me. I sit here next to the T.V. and watch this chubby dude sit on his ass and eat frozen pizza all day. This is not how I pictured my life."

The Lilly's roommate, Jason, was surprised by Monday's emotional outburst. "I don't get it. It seemed fine this summer when it was out on the porch. Wait, wait, I guess it was a little droopy when I got back from being out of town for two weeks, but it perked right up when I watered it. I thought it was fine."

"That's just it", yelled the Lilly, "I'm smart, attractive, and funny, and here I am living with this ass-hat! I have to almost die just to get some fuckin' water around here! Jeez, really?"

Although the relationship is in turmoil, Jason still recalls the good times. "There was the time I moved it to a bigger pot, and that funny joke it told me about the Rabbi, the Priest, and Madonna. I guess if it's not happy, it's free to go at any time. No one's holding a gun to its head."

At press time, the Plant was looking at other options. Such life changes may include a new place, a better pot, or even just going on a cruise for a few days to refresh.