Guy Pretends To Give A Shit

Raul Kemp
Reporter

Last night, on a sidewalk downtown, local bar patron Jerry Meskew sat and pretended to be interested while the cute girl he was smoking with talked continuously for a long time. Through a series of sensitive nods and humorous interjections, Meskew really made it look like he gave a shit.

While the man was generally glad to be spending time with such an attractive lady, it really took some will power to fain interest in her stories of past boyfriends, job woes, and trials of home ownership. As the hottie went on and on about the long terrible day she was having, Meskew sat and listened quietly and hoped she might go out with him someday. "I don't talk to many girls, so when they just start blathering on, it makes the conversation that much easier. Plus it leaves less room for me to say something stupid."

32 year old Carrie had reportedly just had a rough day, and simply needed someone to vent to. "My water heater's broke, my ex sent me a mean text message, my yard's all overgrown, I lost money at work, my parents are coming to visit for a whole month, this creepy guy tried to hit on me, my cat won't stop puking, my car has a funny smell, I dropped my cell phone in a bowl of chili, one of my eyes hurts, my best friend's pregnant, I have to get my taxes done, I'm having lady troubles, I always date the wrong kind of guys, my bank is closed on Monday for some reason, there's a bulb out on one of my porch lights, I have this weird bump on my shin, my sister won't do the 5k run with me, the weather is uncomfortable somehow, I left my Chapstick at the mall, oh my God, you're such a good listener", she said as her fellow smoker raised his brow intently.

Although it is doubtful that Carrie will ever see Mr. Meskew again, she allegedly appreciated his listening skills. "It's hard to find a guy who just wants to listen. Most guys just sit there and think about banging you while you talk," the young lady complained.

For the record, in addition to appearing to give a shit, Jerry was just sitting there thinking about banging her while she talked.