Raul Kemp
Reporter
In a scientific study completed earlier this week, the product packaged as fish in most fast food restaurants was found to be most comparable to meat. The research compared beef, chicken and fish, and found the contents of the McFish, the Fish Sandwich, and the King Fish to be most meat-like.
The Center For Dietary Achievement And Ethical Consumer Information (CFDAAECI) recruited the top professors, doctors, and fast food authorities to lead the investigation into what really is going into these sandwiches we all love to eat and depend on for proper nutrition. The team worked around the clock for weeks and made some startling discoveries.
The "beef" samples were reported to contain traces of tree bark, brick, and dog food. Small amounts of motor oil were also found. In addition, the "chicken" samples allegedly contained large doses of cardboard, sawdust, and recycled water bottles. The "fish" on the other hand was composed mostly of Grass Carp, while still a disgusting product, technically a fish.
The CFDAAECI is currently working to advance legislation requiring fast food establishments to display a small, black and white flier with unreadable print containing the molecular buildup of the meat they are selling. Managers nationwide plan to locate the flier at the end of the counter next to the "Employees Must Wash Hands" sign.
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