U.S. Seeks Part Time Job

Raul Kemp
Reporter

This week, facing numerous bills and late notices, the United States has decided to go out and get a part time job. With debts and outstanding balances in the trillions, the U.S. hopes that a little extra income will help out.

With a resume that includes hosting, conquering, willy-nilly spending, and bi-partisan bickering, the greatest land in all the world is hoping to qualify for numerous positions. "They're hiring at Target," the once rich country lamented, "I guess I could be a cashier, or maybe I could wait tables down at Ruby Tuesday's."

After years of irresponsible financial squandering, the invoices, late notices, and even liens have started to pile up. Countries such as China and Russia have started to put pressure on the land of the free to at least start a payment program to bring these balances closer to good standing. Even America's hat, Canada, has started to make uncomfortable comments towards the debt.

"I mean, they owe us billions of dollars, and yet here they are going out to sporting events, eating fancy meals, and buying expensive cars. If they can afford all that, then surely they can afford to pay us back," commented an obviously irritated Canada. "They need to get a job."

The U.S. hopes that by growing up a little and showing some responsibility, it might gain back some respect from the rest of the world. "It will be nice to have a little income, even though having to work sucks. I hear the bowling alley is hiring. That might be fun."

At press time, the United States is hoping for at least ten bucks an hour, and will reportedly only be available Monday thru Thursday evenings.